Shady Landlady

The Saga of the Short Circuit Pt. II

So, yesterday I brought everyone up to speed while the latest events were unraveling. Today, I’m going to bring you up to speed on how the boiler was finally fixed by posting the live updates I was making on Facebook to entertain my friends and family. All errors are as they are in the posts I made to Facebook. Enjoy!


 

10:58am:

You guys, you guys! The Shady electrical plumbing delivery guy is back! The landlady has brought him to fix a new boiler… 😱
Gonna update as I go xD

11:35am:

Delivery guy and landlady have buggered off after realising the boiler they brought with them doesn’t actually fit right because it has the wrong connectors. They’re now looking for adapters for the connectors according to the delivery guy.
He’s also said that the landlady is crazy.
When delivery guy says someone is crazy, I start to worry because the bar was already low enough to begin with!

12:12pm:

Landlady is back and she’s said I should get a cleaner to get under every little thing in the apartment and it’s only Β£10 a month. If I had Β£10 a month spare I wouldn’t spend it on a cleaner when the apartment is pretty damn sparkling to begin with.

I pointed that out to her and that a cleaner won’t work without hot water so she’s shut up about that. Then she gave me cake, as a peace gesture I reckon, only it’s coffee cake. I HATE coffee cake but I’m having to eat some of it and pretend I like it. 

While I’ve been writing this she’s suddenly had a panic attack and grabbed the phone cus she’s picked up the wrong adapter part for the boiler.

I really couldn’t make this up! 

12:45pm:

There’s much discussion going on in the bathroom at the moment. The landlady and delivery guy can’t decide if they want to take the old boiler off or not so they’ve rung the landlady’s cousin to see what he thinks they should do.

This is fun to listen in to!

How much more Benny Hill do you think they can get? 

1:05pm:

Boiler is now off the wall, delivery guy is going batshit because the landlady has the wrong boiler, the wrong adaptors and keeps calling her cousin. On the plus side they’ve put a brighter bulb in the bathroom so they can see what the hell they’re actually doing.

Delivery guy is convinced that landlady is dodgy is hell and could probably benefit from being inpatient in a psychiatric ward and the landlady is arguing about how to fix the boiler as if she knows what she’s doing.

I’ve started quietly playing the Benny Hill theme through Spotify and I’m wondering how long it’ll take them to notice.

2:06pm:

Okay, old boiler is going back on the wall. Also landlady getting itchy to wash up. Have told her to quit with the washing up idea or I’ll bite her leg (have actually said that) because I need hot water first.

Now she’s on about buying me cupboards that she promised me a month ago but I get to put them together and hang them on the wall. At this point I’ll agree to anything to get her out of the flat.

On the plus side she’s agreed to let me paint the bloody place so I’m not living in a Magnolia nightmare. 

Boiler still not on the wall and Delivery Guy is winging it on a hope and a prayer after I asked him if I’d finally be able to have a shower instead of sink wash tonight.

The saga continues…

2:20pm:

Mister (my fiancΓ©) is trying very hard not to laugh his ass off because I’ve started timing the playing of Benny Hill theme to when the landlady starts trying to ‘help’ Delivery Guy. Apparently that makes me mean.

I think it’s funny as hell 

2:25pm:

Oh fuck, the landlady is shouting at Delivery Guy! She asked him if he knows what he’s doing and he actually said no! She’s yelling in broken English that it’s all his fault the electrics went mental and he’s panicking because he can’t figure out which wire goes where. She wants to know how he managed to ever be an electrician!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, this is getting absolutely ridiculous now πŸ˜‚

Am now wondering if he somehow manages to get the hot water working, will it be safe to shower or will I get electrocuted?!

2:57pm:

Boiler back on the wall now but it’s still not working. The Delivery Guy has no clue what’s going on, the landlady says that he should try a different fuse in the damn thing and both of them are arguing over how the hell it should even go together.

Have lost the will to live at this point.

3:02pm:

Aaaaand they’ve tripped the circuit again.

3:11pm:

Delivery Guy has had enough, packed up and fucked off. The boiler is now leaking, half the flat is without electric again and my rug in the bathroom is soaked through and ruined. I’m am beyond fuming. I pointed that out to landlady and all she’s said is she’ll help me clean. I don’t want fucking help. I want a flat that’s all together as it should be.

😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

3:38pm:

Ooh, the landlady’s cousin has turned up again and has his toolbox in hand. Please stay tuned for the latest episode of ‘Who’s Fuckup is it Anyway?’

3:56pm:

The landlady’s cousin has removed the boiler from the wall again. I don’t even know whether to laugh, cry, scream or do all three right now. She’s even dragged Mister into it now and he’s hurt his shoulder pulling the damn thing off semi-safely. At this point, all these posts are time stamped so I can use them as bloody evidence for environmental health tomorrow.

We’ve both had enough.

4:14pm:

They’ve gone with plan A and landlady’s cousin is now installing a new boiler. He’s he one who uses voltmeters and such to make sure he doesn’t die. I suppose that’s a step up from Delivery Guy but am still feeling sorry for Delivery Guy who tried his best but was browbeaten by the landlady throughout the day.

Wondering if Benny Hill should make a reappearance at the moment.

4:23pm:

Yay, Delivery Guy is back to oversee the work! I swear I couldn’t write a better sitcom if I tried 

4:44pm:

OMG you guys! Landlady’s cousin knows what he’s doing! He showed me a certificate thingy (says NICE or something on it) when landlady translated and he’s actually managed to get the new boiler on the wall!!! He says I’ll be able to shower in 15 minutes!

You have no idea how much the idea of a shower makes me want to do a ‘When Harry met Sally’!!!!

5:39pm:

Holy shit, I have hot water you guys! And electric! RIP Red Loveheart Rug in the bathroom though 

7:59pm:

Finally got the landlady out of the apartment… only to hear her phone go off. Silly bint has left it here. Wanna cry now 


 

And that, ladies and gentleman, is the end of the two week saga of buggered up electrics, plumbing issues and boiler choices. The landlady retrieved her phone about an hour after the last post I made on Facebook and today has been blessedly free of craziness. Let’s hope it stays that way!

Shady Landlady

The Saga of the Short Circuit

This is ongoing as we speak but this definitely needs an information dump so you can catch up with what’s going on. 

Two weeks ago, the pipe under the sink in our apartment burst and, as you’d expect, leaked water all over the place. Now, my landlady isn’t exactly Little Miss Legal and tries to do everything on the cheap so I wasn’t really surprised when she got someone she knew to try and fix it. That someone being her husband as far as I could tell (she’s Chinese and so was the man who came to fix it). 

They managed to fix the leak so I thought all was well and good. I was wrong. 

Some lunatic decided when they built this apartment decided that a plug under the sink was a brilliant idea. Never mind that it’s illegal in the U.K., it was fitted there and then had a cupboard put in front of it. You can guess what the water did to the socket. 

Half the flat was without electrics for a week. My Landlady decided to save money to get someone else she knew to fix that. That someone was the delivery driver for the takeaway downstairs who used to be an electrician. 

He managed to get the electric working again for a day and I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief. Until I tried to have a shower. 

Something was wrong with the boiler because it blew the circuit again. So I had no hot water and no electrical circuit. Last Saturday I texted the landlady in a panic and told her something was wrong with it and didn’t get a response so I got my daughter’s partner to come look at it as he’s a certified electrician. 

He managed to get the circuit back on but shut down the boiler because it was causing the problem and told me I needed someone with more experience than him. 

That was fair enough and I told the landlady. She turned up on Wednesday with three family members and Delivery Guy in tow to look at it. Delivery Guy and the family members tested everything and then switched on the boiler again. 

Bye bye circuit. 

They turned the boiler off again and then switched on the electrical circuit and said they’d be back yesterday to fix it. Despite three texts and a couple of calls, nobody turned up. At this point I’d been without hot water for a week and having to strip wash in the bloody sink using the kettle for hot water. 

This morning I’ve just been woken up by the landlady and the Delivery Guy who had a new boiler in tow and are currently roaming around my bathroom doing strange things. 

I’m about to lose my damn mind. 

I don’t like people in my apartment, it’s my sanctuary, I don’t like having things go wrong when I can’t fix it myself and I sure as shit don’t like being woken up to someone who stresses me out to hell and back knocking on my door. 

Stress levels are through the roof. 

Life

Nighttime

It’s weird how much I like the night. Most people love the daytime, love the sun beating down on them, the hustle and bustle of people as they go about their business. I don’t. I like the solitude that comes with the night, being all alone under the stars, knowing that in this moment, I’m alive and free. I can spread my arms wide, take long walks in the park and be as goofy as I like because nobody is there but me. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love people, I love the stories that make up who they are, I love their humour, their capacity for kindness and caring and I love that they all make up threads in the tapestry of life that sometimes weave into my own thread. Trouble is, there’s too many of them. 

Having lived the life I have, too many people quickly becomes overwhelming and the panic begins to rise. I have to get away as quickly as possible, hide, be alone. I can’t do it, my senses can’t handle being around a crowd, I can’t predict where danger will come from and in a strange way, that hurts. 

I know people don’t want to hurt me, I know that most would be horrified if they knew I felt like that and yet, the panic still sets in and until I get away, I can’t calm down and aggression begins to set in. 

It doesn’t get that bad very often but when it does I feel horrible. Not just for the people I’m mean to, not just for my actions in trying to get away, but for me. Being a survivor isn’t much fun when you still have the aftermath to deal with. 

I guess this blog is a way to try and get the feelings out, a form of therapy if you will, until I can see a real therapist. Maybe I’ll make some friends along the way.