Shady Landlady

The Saga of the Short Circuit Pt. II

So, yesterday I brought everyone up to speed while the latest events were unraveling. Today, I’m going to bring you up to speed on how the boiler was finally fixed by posting the live updates I was making on Facebook to entertain my friends and family. All errors are as they are in the posts I made to Facebook. Enjoy!


 

10:58am:

You guys, you guys! The Shady electrical plumbing delivery guy is back! The landlady has brought him to fix a new boiler… 😱
Gonna update as I go xD

11:35am:

Delivery guy and landlady have buggered off after realising the boiler they brought with them doesn’t actually fit right because it has the wrong connectors. They’re now looking for adapters for the connectors according to the delivery guy.
He’s also said that the landlady is crazy.
When delivery guy says someone is crazy, I start to worry because the bar was already low enough to begin with!

12:12pm:

Landlady is back and she’s said I should get a cleaner to get under every little thing in the apartment and it’s only £10 a month. If I had £10 a month spare I wouldn’t spend it on a cleaner when the apartment is pretty damn sparkling to begin with.

I pointed that out to her and that a cleaner won’t work without hot water so she’s shut up about that. Then she gave me cake, as a peace gesture I reckon, only it’s coffee cake. I HATE coffee cake but I’m having to eat some of it and pretend I like it. 

While I’ve been writing this she’s suddenly had a panic attack and grabbed the phone cus she’s picked up the wrong adapter part for the boiler.

I really couldn’t make this up! 

12:45pm:

There’s much discussion going on in the bathroom at the moment. The landlady and delivery guy can’t decide if they want to take the old boiler off or not so they’ve rung the landlady’s cousin to see what he thinks they should do.

This is fun to listen in to!

How much more Benny Hill do you think they can get? 

1:05pm:

Boiler is now off the wall, delivery guy is going batshit because the landlady has the wrong boiler, the wrong adaptors and keeps calling her cousin. On the plus side they’ve put a brighter bulb in the bathroom so they can see what the hell they’re actually doing.

Delivery guy is convinced that landlady is dodgy is hell and could probably benefit from being inpatient in a psychiatric ward and the landlady is arguing about how to fix the boiler as if she knows what she’s doing.

I’ve started quietly playing the Benny Hill theme through Spotify and I’m wondering how long it’ll take them to notice.

2:06pm:

Okay, old boiler is going back on the wall. Also landlady getting itchy to wash up. Have told her to quit with the washing up idea or I’ll bite her leg (have actually said that) because I need hot water first.

Now she’s on about buying me cupboards that she promised me a month ago but I get to put them together and hang them on the wall. At this point I’ll agree to anything to get her out of the flat.

On the plus side she’s agreed to let me paint the bloody place so I’m not living in a Magnolia nightmare. 

Boiler still not on the wall and Delivery Guy is winging it on a hope and a prayer after I asked him if I’d finally be able to have a shower instead of sink wash tonight.

The saga continues…

2:20pm:

Mister (my fiancé) is trying very hard not to laugh his ass off because I’ve started timing the playing of Benny Hill theme to when the landlady starts trying to ‘help’ Delivery Guy. Apparently that makes me mean.

I think it’s funny as hell 

2:25pm:

Oh fuck, the landlady is shouting at Delivery Guy! She asked him if he knows what he’s doing and he actually said no! She’s yelling in broken English that it’s all his fault the electrics went mental and he’s panicking because he can’t figure out which wire goes where. She wants to know how he managed to ever be an electrician!

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, this is getting absolutely ridiculous now 😂

Am now wondering if he somehow manages to get the hot water working, will it be safe to shower or will I get electrocuted?!

2:57pm:

Boiler back on the wall now but it’s still not working. The Delivery Guy has no clue what’s going on, the landlady says that he should try a different fuse in the damn thing and both of them are arguing over how the hell it should even go together.

Have lost the will to live at this point.

3:02pm:

Aaaaand they’ve tripped the circuit again.

3:11pm:

Delivery Guy has had enough, packed up and fucked off. The boiler is now leaking, half the flat is without electric again and my rug in the bathroom is soaked through and ruined. I’m am beyond fuming. I pointed that out to landlady and all she’s said is she’ll help me clean. I don’t want fucking help. I want a flat that’s all together as it should be.

😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

3:38pm:

Ooh, the landlady’s cousin has turned up again and has his toolbox in hand. Please stay tuned for the latest episode of ‘Who’s Fuckup is it Anyway?’

3:56pm:

The landlady’s cousin has removed the boiler from the wall again. I don’t even know whether to laugh, cry, scream or do all three right now. She’s even dragged Mister into it now and he’s hurt his shoulder pulling the damn thing off semi-safely. At this point, all these posts are time stamped so I can use them as bloody evidence for environmental health tomorrow.

We’ve both had enough.

4:14pm:

They’ve gone with plan A and landlady’s cousin is now installing a new boiler. He’s he one who uses voltmeters and such to make sure he doesn’t die. I suppose that’s a step up from Delivery Guy but am still feeling sorry for Delivery Guy who tried his best but was browbeaten by the landlady throughout the day.

Wondering if Benny Hill should make a reappearance at the moment.

4:23pm:

Yay, Delivery Guy is back to oversee the work! I swear I couldn’t write a better sitcom if I tried 

4:44pm:

OMG you guys! Landlady’s cousin knows what he’s doing! He showed me a certificate thingy (says NICE or something on it) when landlady translated and he’s actually managed to get the new boiler on the wall!!! He says I’ll be able to shower in 15 minutes!

You have no idea how much the idea of a shower makes me want to do a ‘When Harry met Sally’!!!!

5:39pm:

Holy shit, I have hot water you guys! And electric! RIP Red Loveheart Rug in the bathroom though 

7:59pm:

Finally got the landlady out of the apartment… only to hear her phone go off. Silly bint has left it here. Wanna cry now 


 

And that, ladies and gentleman, is the end of the two week saga of buggered up electrics, plumbing issues and boiler choices. The landlady retrieved her phone about an hour after the last post I made on Facebook and today has been blessedly free of craziness. Let’s hope it stays that way!

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